The Holy Bible

[Zooey]

This book might be a bit long, but it is awesome anyway.
In the first part, there is God, and then he makes the world.  He makes animals and Adam, but Adam is like, "Damn, I'm lonely," and so then He makes Eve out of Adam's rib, which is, like, totally sweet!  Then Adam and Eve are naked and eat an apple.  Then they are kicked out of the Garden of Eden. Then Cain kills Able, and then there is a talking donkey, and then there is Sampson, who kills a bunch of Phillistines with the Jawbone of an Ass, which contexually means "donkey" and not "butt."  Then a bunch of people are born, and Abraham has a son, and there is a ram in that scene.
Then Solomon has concubines and writes a book about existentiallism.  David, who actually comes before Solomon, kills a giant and dances in the street, but his clothes fall off.  And he writes Psalms, which are songs.
Then Moses climbs a mountain, after he says, "Let my people go!" -- but the Pharoahs heart is hardened.  
Then Jesus is born and saves the world by dying on the cross.  He is the person who Christ-like figures are based on, like Marlon Brando in On the Waterfront, and Cool Hand Luke, and other shit like that.  No way!
Then Jesus comes to life again, and everybody's like, "Holy shit, I knew it!"  
Then Paul falls off his donkey and is blinded temporarily.  
I sort of skipped over some of the rest, but it ends with all of these freaky horsemen and beasts, which I think were metaphors or something.

Anyway, I thought it was going to be really boring, like all those other "classics," but it's actually pretty good, except for when it is telling you everybody and their fucking mother who was born when society was just beginning to expand.  But the rest of it is action packed, and it's also a pretty quotable book, like when Jesus calls the pharisees "White-washed tombs."  
And it also makes good use of imagery, like "the valley of the shadow of death," and has some sexy bits too, like when Solomon is comparing breasts to pomegranates.

Apparently it even has a really big cult-following too, like The Rocky Picture Horror Show, but apparently even bigger.  -A true classic.

[anna]

Maybe this should be the next TCU book-club book? It's been recommended to me no end of times, never quite managed to read it cover-to-cover. Thanks for the review though Zooey, that helps a lot.

 

[Guest_depressafone]

I quite like this book, but always found it a bit light on Jesus' background...
Did he make self assembly furniture for the masses, or bespoke items?

Perhaps there will be a prequel.

[marke]

...It's been recommended to me no end of times...

Me too. In fact just today coming out of the subway a guy strongly recommended it to me after I told him he was "fucking disgusting."

Oh yeah, he also had a sign around his neck that said "God hates Faggots."

(Did you leave that part out of your summary, Zooey? Otherwise it was quite good.)

[Guest_Depressafone]

Oh yeah, he also had a sign around his neck that said "God hates Faggots."
 

I really like faggots. With a bit of gravy.
Hmmm hmmmmm

God may not, after all, he hates brussel sprouts

[DaveShearn]

he also had a sign around his neck that said "God hates Faggots."

cool guy....... :blink:  

[thegimp]

it's better than frodo, who collected some faggots to put on the fire

[unknownperson]

Maybe this should be the next TCU book-club book? It's been recommended to me no end of times, never quite managed to read it cover-to-cover. Thanks for the review though Zooey, that helps a lot.

I too read this book, no Marke, he (God) does not realy say that. It is a bit of an opptional inference, sort of like people saying Stoping by Woods on A Snowy Evening is about death. As far as reading it cover to cover. Be sure to have some good snack food on hand as it takes a bit of time. Also it would help if you tore out some of the chapters and put them into a more chronilogical order.

[skepticaloptimist]

If one is prone to outbursts of laughter (as I am), one should definitely avoid reading this topic while pretending to pay attention in a class on the Arab-Israeli Conflict during which the professor is discussing the threat of Palestinian suicide bombers.

[skepticaloptimist]

Also, I heard there was a movie based on this book.  Did anyone see it?  Was it any good?

My favorite character in the book is definitely Boaz… that name – I mean, he had to be a badass, right?  
 

[marke]

I just reread your review and it made me think, "What happened to your semi-weekly column" on Rian's website?"

No, I don't care if you don't have time!

No! You make time!

[apm]

who is the author of this 'The Bible'?

something strange actually, I was looking for study aids for it because my daughter is reading it in English Lit at her school.  I was trawling round the local Waterstones and was unfortunately unable to find one.  I spent half an hour in the English section looking, they even have a wall of the 'classics', which Zooey seemed to suggest it may be.  I remembered someone saying something about a guy called John Milton writing the first bit or something, but I found his book and it was called something different...
Anyways, I go to the shop assistant and ask her whether she has any study aids for The Bible and she asks me who the author is,

Please help me, my daughter is relying on you...

[marke]

Oh, now that is silly! God is the author of The Bible! He wrote it as a love letter, in its final form, straight from His heart to yours (or mine!).

Nathan, care to weigh in on this and help apm out?

[apm]

what sort of era was he around in?

[unknownperson]

God is all era.